Treasures in Heaven

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ,

that though he was rich, 

yet for your sakes he became poor, 

so that you through his poverty might become rich."

 - 2 Corinthians 8:9

I was tempted to go and read this verse to my kids but it wasn't for them to get it, it was for me. My daughters are probably never going to get how much we have given for them to become our daughters. But I will never really get how much my Savior gave up for me when He left the riches of Heaven to come and be born to a poor family in a stinky stable. Sometimes I am tempted to think about the "riches" we gave up in order to adopt our girls. Although we have never actually been rich (according to American standards), reminiscing about our old life sure makes me feel like we were once living the high life and are now stuck in the pigpen. A few years ago I couldn't stop thinking about redoing the floors in my lovely house. I looked at samples for months and waited for the tax return to come in so I could see which texture/color we could afford. We were finally out of debt and I could finally let myself think about things like hardwood vs tile. I can't remember exactly how it happened but our tax return ended up paying for a stack of expensive paper called a "dossier" instead of flooring. As I sit here staring at the cracked green tile (with dirt caked in the cracks) I ended up with (as a by product of that tax return) I'm reminded that my God has quite a sense of humor. Somehow we ended up moving to a stinky stable of a place with floors that look like rotting guacamole living off less than we did as newlyweds. Only now we live in a country where almost everything is 3 times more expensive and there are 6 mouths to feed instead of 2...and usually extras hanging around hoping.

Yesterday the girls and I copied, focused and prayed together on Matthew 6:19-21. You would think that "laying up treasures" would not be such a struggle while living in Haiti but for two little girls who have never had any worldly treasures this is one of their bigger struggles. They are constantly wanting more and more and I am constantly reminded of my own struggle with sin in this area to be content in and with all things. 

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

The girls had no problem identifying what material "treasures on earth" they would like to lay up nor relating to the fact that such treasures will eventually break, rot, or be stolen...we can definitely relate to "thieves break in and steal" around these parts. I asked them what "laying up treasures in heaven" could possibly mean since we can't take material treasures with us to heaven and heaven is already full of such anyways? We talked about it and figured that the only treasure we can take with us to heaven is people. People are treasures. People are the reason Jesus left the riches of heaven in order for us to gain the riches of heaven. I told the girls that we left the riches of America to give them the riches of family and to share the riches of the gospel with others in Haiti that may not know our Jesus. Sometimes we feel foolish for starting a process that we do not have the means to finish without a lot of help. We rest in the fact that this is part of His plan to allow others to share in the riches He deems worthy (people) and lay up treasures in heaven with us!

We are right now in desperate need of $600 to submit Esmée's dossier (that is now ready) to IBESR. There is a serious time limit for this as IBESR just reopened after months of being closed and will be closing again within the next week or two. If we don't get her updated dossier re-submitted in time there is a chance we will not be able to complete her adoption. We had to get her former last name changed from the father (who we now know isn't her bio father) to her deceased bio mother's last name. Because her name is changed ALL the documents that her name is on throughout the entire adoption process have to reflect this change as well. We are hoping and praying that because we have already been approved through the process once, the changes can be approved quickly. But the next step toward this end is re-submitting her file to IBESR. There is a fee for this and with the lawyer and facilitator fee included the charge to resubmit Esmée's file is $1,000 (of which we have paid $400 already and promised to try to get the rest to the facilitator very soon). We simply do not have the other $600 nor a way to get it other than asking for help. We couldn't have known all this adoption process would entail when we started and expect there are more surprises around the bend, but also know that our God will enable us to complete what He started…somehow. Through His poverty we became rich. Through our poverty we pray that others will experience the riches of His grace as well. 

While feeling extremely discouraged over several current situations we are facing and seeking God's Word for wisdom and comfort, I was extremely encouraged by the verses that followed 2 Corinthians 8:9. 

"And in this I give advice: It is to your advantage not only to be doing what you began and were desiring to do a year ago, but now you also must complete the doing of it, that as there was a readiness to desire it, so there also may be a completion out of what you have. For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have."

2 Corinthians 8: 10-12

We have given all that we are and all that we have. Please help us with what we do not have in order to "complete the doing of it" according to the Father's perfect will and timing. It is a small miracle that we and our facilitator were able to acquire (and pay for) everthing needed to redo Esmée's dossier as well as complete Elita Marguerite's. We praise the Lord for this and believe that He will surely finish what He started as we continue to press on in faith and obedience. 

There is one other urgent prayer request in addition to the urgent need for adoption expenses to be met. We need to locate Marguerite's bio aunt to get a notarized affidavit from her. We do not have her number and our facilitator is having a difficult time getting the number from our old facilitator. We now have Marguerite’s passport and her entire original dossier translated into English ready to submit to the U.S. Embassy in order to approve her visa. Except for this one thing they requested (the affidavit). Please pray that we will find the aunt and get this completed very soon. The Embassy has already granted us one extension on thier request and the latest we can now turn in the affidavit is September 17th. We need to locate her now!

If you would like to contribute to our urgent need of $600 for Esmée's resubmission fee to IBESR, please donate on the Paypal on this blog. 

Because of Him that became poor for me,

Elisabeth

Mommy

Last week was a hard week. The boys started back to school and the girls didn't. The girls need a good bit of structure and that simply wasn't happening last week. I was completely undone by Friday. Armies of problems seemed to be marching toward us and the disgusting display of attitude from our teenager wasn't helping. I use the word "disgusting" because that is her word of the week. Every third thing she talks about is "disgusting" according to her. Her attitude last week was entirely disgusting and I was feeling entirely guilty for any contribution on my part that would cause her to act that way. It is in moments like this that my thoughts wander to how much easier life could be if we hadn't felt so called to adopt in the first place. The trouble. The heartache. The sacrifices. I never quite get to regretting the decision to adopt but there are times when I am scary close.  

I recently joined a new Bible study group on Friday mornings that I've really enjoyed this summer. There is one other fellow adoptive mom in the group that has been in the Haiti adoption process since 2008 and moved to Haiti to be with her kids. I was praying with my friend over our adoptions and confessed my feelings of utter failure and sometimes wondering what life would be like if we were not in this awful blessing of adoption. My friend later thanked me for admitting that I sometimes felt that way. I said, "yeah but I also think about all the things that we have learned and all the people we can encourage because of what we have experienced in this adoption process and that maybe it is worth it because of that." But to be honest, it is still really hard.

Friday was the first time I have taken my girls with me to Bible study (though teenager gave me disgusting attitude about having to go). Shortly after our prayer time I heard my daughter (the sass mouth one) cry out from the other room "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Help!!!" I knew there were large dogs about and knew she was afraid by the sound of her cry. She tells me at least once a week that she doesn't like dogs. She usually handles herself pretty well but dogs can clearly sense her fear. One dog sensed a little too much on Friday and tried to snap at her. This really scared her. I was just thankful she didn't get bit and didn't think too much else about it at the time. 

The next morning as I was praying over our armies of problems including sassy daughter, her cry "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Help!!!" played over and over in my mind. I laughed and cried at the same time while thinking about her tough big girl exterior being stripped  away to the terrified cry of a small child. This is who she really is. There are days when she puts back on the survival suit and acts like she doesn't care. But she isn't living in survival mode anymore and she eventually gives up her act. She is loved, feels protected and knows that she doesn't have to take care of herself anymore. She is entirely dependent on us. Even though she fights that at times, she also rest in that. 

I was reading my devotional that morning for August 18th right after I prayed and the following jumped out at me, 

"The main problem with an easy life is that it masks your need for Me. 

When you became a Christian, I infused My very Life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by depending on Me. Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities: situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you--the best place to encounter Me in My Glory and Power. When you see armies of problems marching toward you, cry out to Me!"
Jesus Calling

I think about the many ways I have often sass mouthed the One who rescued me. I think about how easy His life could have been if it had not been for sinners like me. I think about my inadequacies, how I could never have rescued myself. I think again about adoption being a picture of what Christ has done for me--how He is there when I cry out for help. I am reminded.

My daughter's cry out for help reminded me. It reminded me that adopting her is worth it no matter how disgusting our days. It is worth it because she now has a mommy. 

Who did she cry out to before she knew her mommy? 

Who do you cry out to if you do not know your Savior?

Much Loved

"Dear friends, 

Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed." 

-1 Peter 4:12-13

There is this deep, gnawing, suffocating pain that never completely goes away even on the good days since we began our adoption process back in February 2010. I don't know if that is because of adoption or because of what I have witnessed in Haiti or simply because this world is immeasurably broken. Each day I learn a little more what I don't know and a little more Who I do know. I think of all that once was that is now gone, all that has been stripped away, and there is only one thing that still makes sense, only one thing that remains. 

Love. Much love. 




If we had known what we know now, well, I don't know. I don't know if we would have stepped into the life we are now living. That is why He doesn't let us know. So that we will know but One..."to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings". We didn't know and we still don't know but we chose and choose to love NO MATTER WHAT. We can only love because of Him that first loved us...unconditionally, painfully, with no end in sight, with no knowlege of the time of His return to redeem once and for all the brokeness He came to save.

Here in Haiti we have come face to face with death, with slavery, with physical, mental, and spiritual abuse, neglect, poverty, starvation, sickness, trauma, loss, fear, lies, pride, corruption, murder and hate. Pure evil. Cruel injustice. We long for justice. We ask "why?" We know why because we know that Jesus had to suffer all these things too and so we must. So we ask "when?" How long oh Lord? And we are told, 

“It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority." -Acts 1:7




There is so much that we are not supposed to know. We find ourselves overwhelmingly caught between beauty and brokenness. This is what I hate about Haiti. This is what I love about Haiti. Haiti is so beautiful. Haiti is so deplorable. We are constantly reminded of the world as God intended it to be and what the fall of man has done with it. The senses are continually confused in the contrast. It upsets my stomach tremendously. The churning inside never stops. We hold tight to hope. But we often feel like Job when he said "when I hoped for good, evil came; when I looked for light, then came darkness". -Job 30:26 So I go to sleep with this unquenchable ache and I wake up wishing it gone. But it never leaves. So I pray each morning for Christ's return. I seek encouragement to get me through the day and read and re-read,

"I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: 

My continual Presence and the hope of heaven." 

"You can find Me not only in beauty and birdcalls, but also in tragedy and faces filled with grief.

I can take the deepest sorrow and weave it into a pattern for good."

-Jesus Calling

We are in training. All of us. Those of us adopting from places like Haiti voluntarily signed up for the intensive course. We thought we were tough. We didn't know how tough Satan is. How relentless he is! Many times our focus has been getting the dossier done, or planning a trip to Haiti, or fundraising, or trying to survive THE WAITING, or trying to breathe when someone tells you that nearly everything you have ever thought about your adoption/child's story is a lie and that because of that lie YOU will have to go through everything you have been focusing on surviving through ALL OVER AGAIN. It is then that you know that you might not ever know anything else other than the reality of surviving on His Presence and the hope of heaven. And if you don't know Him, then I'm not sure how you survive. This has to be why He tarries. So that others will come to know Him. If not for suffering how would those who don't know Him come to grips with their own brokenness? If it were not for our deepest sorrows, how could we ever fellowship in His sufferings? And if His sufferings were only for our good, for the good of the world, and for His glory then surely our sufferings are intended for the same...weaving a pattern for good."It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil." -1 Peter 3:17

Much of the time it feels like evil is winning. 

"But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless." -Psalm 10:14

"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life."-Psalm 119:50

We cling to His promises and we are comforted.

Our comfort overflows to others suffering and their fellowship comforts us.

 "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." -2 Corinthians 1:5-7

I have never felt the application of this verse in the way I have the past two days. Most of the time it doesn't seem best to share the things that we have suffered or are suffering. I generally feel like these things would bring others down. Some have told me in the past that "it is hard to read your blog sometimes because it can be heavy". But "if we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort"...sharing our sufferings allows you to share in our comfort. This is the weaving of a pattern for good out of evil. It is how we love. It is how He first loved us. We want you to share in our sufferings and we want to share in yours. We were not designed to carry heavy alone.

One of my comforts in our failed adoption process of our daughter Esmée is that the name we chose for her in the beginning means "Much Loved". I often think, "if only she really knew what we have gone through for her...if only she knew how much she is loved". Then I remember that this is exactly what God thinks about us. His suffering and response of love = my comfort. We pray our sufferings will = someone elses comfort too. We pray that as our hearts break together for the things that break God's heart "that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God."

Until our hope of heaven is realized, 

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."-1 Peter 5:8-10