Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace...it's truly all we have in this rollercoaster life. Up and down we seem to go between the beauty and the chaos. So much beauty! So much chaos! We long to be steadied. But there is only One who is truly steady, balanced, unchanging. Why do we seek so many ways to catch our balance in the never ending fluctuating circumstanes that present themselves each day? This mornings devotional read, "Make Me your focal point as you move through this day. Just as a spinning ballerina must keep returning her eyes to a given point to maintain her balance, so you must keep returning your focus to Me. Circumstances are in flux, and the world seems to be whirling around you. The only way to keep your balance is to fix your eyes on Me, the One who never changes. If you gaze too long at your circumstances you will become dizzy and confused. Look to Me, refreshing yourself in My Presence, and your steps will be steady and sure."-April 25, Jesus Calling 

I thought that was fitting for today. Circumstances definitely are in flux! Confessing right now that not focusing on the circumstances is easier said than done...at least for me. Then I am reminded...

"But circumstances tell tales that are prone to change in a moment.

And the truth of the matter is: God never changes. His power to give a future and hope never change. His Word never changes. So when life weaves stories of doubt and hopelessness in God's authority over circumstances, I reread accounts of His faithfulness and redemption. I refer back to the Truth...

All the while Job's family, home, crops and health demolished...God was preparing to give him double of what was killed, stolen, lost and damaged.

The time Joseph was a slave and prisoner...God was planning for him to be second in command over Egypt.

When Ruth was a homeless, barren widow...God was creating a home in Boaz's heart for her to be a wife, and mother, and great, great, great-grandmother to His Son.

As Lazarus was bound in grave clothes...God was forming the breath that'd give him new life.

The moment David laid down in adultery...God was laying the groundwork for him to rise up in repentance.

Every time Saul crucified Christians...God saw Paul preaching the crucified Christ.

With each strike that Sarai beat Hagar with...God saw Sarah beating her jealousy, pride and doubt with the birth of Isaac.

When Esther was an orphaned girl shaking in fear for her life...God made a way for His daughter to shake a kingdom and save His people.

As Rahab welcomed men into the shelter of her bed...God saw her sheltering the spies on her roof.

When Peter lost faith and denied Christ...God saw him bringing many to faith as he proclaimed Christ.

As Moses killed an Egyptian with his hands...God saw him chiseling the Ten Commandments with those same hands.

At the time Mary saw Jesus die...God saw Jesus resurrected and seated on His heavenly throne!

No matter what the dire, dreary circumstances, God turned each into a hopeful future.

None of His plans can be thwarted. Despite what is happening in life, these stories of redemption and hope speak the truth. God can and will reverse, restore, revive and renew. He sees beyond the present troubles and is sparking a fire to light up the future with hope." -Blog post by Samantha Reed

We cling to these truths. We are learning to be thankful for every circumstance. Moments of beauty envelop us in His love. Moments of chaos and even immense sorrow remind us of our utter dependence and His amazing grace. We learn to look for His beauty in the chaos. This is amazing grace. He reminds us daily and teaches us through circumstances, through others, through His Word. Oh but for His amazing grace that carries us even when we loose our balance, when we focus on our circumstances instead of His sovereign control. His grace that reminds us daily, gently that He is sufficient. He has a plan. His plans are good. He is never confused. 

We are confused by circumstances. But that is ok. It does NOT feel ok. But it really is ok. We truly believe that the God of the universe, our God, is good. We truly believe that His plans are good. We truly believe that the goal is His glory and that all circumstances are in submission to His honor and glory. So we can trust Him. We can hope far beyond our momentary troubles, our confusion, our feelings of sadness, and find rest in His amazing grace.

Dreary circumstances in the adoption realm and the weather outside seemed to be in competition today. We don't want to go into detail about those circumstances right now because we are currently confused by them and may get a different story tomorrow. We will say that in this chaos we see much beauty and we are learning many things. We know that all these circumstances are not for nothing. And we have not been left empty handed. Our lives are full. We do not take these blessings for granted. We acknowlege that the blessings of today could be gone tomorrow. But tomorrow is tomorrow. All we can do is today. And today was an amazing grace day. 

It takes a lot of grace to get through a day of homeschooling two formerly orphaned girls going through puberty who have had very little education and limited English. I am not complaining. This has been such a joy. Frustrating at times, but overall a great joy. And the girls are doing very well...considering. But today reading, writing, and arithmetic felt as dreary as the drizzle outside. It was one of those days when not focusing on the circumstances was easier said than done. I did not want the girls to feel the weight of that, so....I broke a rule (to their delight) and snuggled down under blankets in an unusually cool room, with the rain pattering on the rooftop, with my girls on either side, and watched a movie. 

This is the movie we watched which turned into our history, English, and writing lessons.

The honest truth is that this was probably more about meeting my need to not do math, the girls need of physical affection/snuggle time with mom, a welcomed escape from thinking too much about circumstances, and a way to pass the wet and dreary day away. But it became so much more than that because for me the message in this movie was yet another reminder (like the 15th one today) that even when there is pain and suffering all around us and we can't escape it or fix it, when we have done everything we can do, when we are completely worn out, when it seems all hope is lost, that is where God's amazing grace finds us. Just like it found John Newton who wrote...

Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already come;

'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far

and Grace will lead me home.

Grace will lead me home. Our girls are home with us in Haiti. This is only by grace. All other circumstances are grace too. If we look hard enough we can see past our confusion to the potential beauty in the chaos. Grace has brought us safe thus far. Grace will see us through. One day grace will lead us to our home where there will be no more chaos and confusion ever again. Won't that be amazing? 

I'm pretty sure the girls didn't glean all any of this from the movie. I'm pretty sure their inability to get past all the men wearing wigs in the 18th century setting was just about the height of the history lesson for today. I began to really regret breaking our no movies on school days rule when I was asked if one of my all time history heroes William Wilberforce was "Michael Jackson"? Seriously?!!!!!!! I must have given them the crazy eye, cause Marguerite said, "What you look at me like that for? He have black pants, white shirt with that (pointing at the frilly collar) and hair just like Michael Jackson!" I said, "remember that I explained to you before we watched the movie that this was about 300 years ago? Do you really think Michael Jackson lived 300 years ago?" Does that count as logic class too? 

So this was a bust as far as the girls sharing my love of this movie. However they did love our snuggle time. They also loved hearing the story about how John Newton who wrote the song Amazing Grace was once a slave boat captain that brought slaves from Africa and how Jesus changed his heart. The movie ended with us singing this song. We sang the song into the kitchen where we began to prepare lunch. Navilla had just arrived and joined our singing with the Creole version of Amazing Grace. We all just stood in the kitchen and sang. Beauty in the chaos. Frantz came for the girls English lessons. Navilla was still humming in the kitchen. I heard Frantz singing a little bit too. Beauty. Chaos. The girls were not very cooperative after Frantz showed up. It appears they assumed my rule breaking was going to continue throughout the day. "Um, no. No more Michael Jackson today. Today you can discuss with Frantz what you saw and heard in the movie and then go over the song lyrics to Amazing Grace with Frantz in English and Creole so you can understand it better. Then you can write the words of the song for your writing lesson." More chaos commenced. Yet, in the background I could still hear Navilla humming Amazing Grace. Beauty. So thankful for amazing grace!

The Lord has promised good to me.

His word my hope secures.

He will my shield and portion be,

As long as life endures.