Leaving the 147 million to go after the one... or two in our case!

Sometimes...although I hate to admit it...every now and then, these thoughts creep into my mind. They often follow the e-mail or blog that post faces of other waiting children, or when one of our friends or acquaintances who started their paperwork around the same time or after us brings their child home. They usually whisper, but occasionally yell, "There are 147 million orphans out there, and if you just would have picked a different one, you could have had that one home by now!" Sometimes, though I hope it isn't true, I sense other people struggling with these thoughts about our adoptions too.  It has been a long process, that's for sure. It isn't longer than some that wait for three-five years to adopt from China, but it is different. Most people don't know the child they are adopting before they come home. Most people don't go and spend time with their adoptive child. Most people don't hear their adoptive child call them "Mom", climb into their suitcase and beg to be taken home. Most people don't, but some do, and for some reason God has called us, and priveleged us with knowing our girls before their homecoming. It is easy to think about what a hardship this is, because of how it breaks our heart to leave them behind, but it is also easy to see the immense blessing as well. We have been so blessed to have priceless bonding moments with our girls in their own culture, to see them interact with their friends and nannies, to watch them worship, to read them bedtime stories, to laugh with them, to hold them, to cry with them, to pray with them, and to long with them. Most orphaned children may long for a family, but they do not often long with a family. The waiting would mean nothing without the longing...it would just be the passing of time. But it isn't just the passing of time. God declares in His word that "true religion is to care for orphans...."this is His passion! And His passion always involves His patience. It is very difficult (at least for me) to balance our passion with patience...and patience is the one thing I have never claimed to possess. I don't think God led us to adopt from Haiti just because He wanted to teach me a thing or two about patience, though I do believe that is a lifelong lesson that we won't cross off our list until eternity. No, I think we will learn a thing or two about patience, but that all this is mainly about something else. When I am tempted to dwell on thoughts of how much easier it might have been to pursue the rescue of different orphans, it is then that my Heavenly Father often whispers, occasionally yells, "What if I wouldn't have pursued the rescue of you? What if you were just a number, another face in the masses, and I thought, nope... that one will take too much time to rescue, will end up costing more than I bargained for, and might end up draining my emotions and time with nothing to show for it in the end?" But God didn't. Instead He said, "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep." I have been reminded of this parable many times in the past few months, but have struggled with how quick and simple the rescue seems. I only wish it were as simple as finding the lost sheep and carrying it home on our shoulders to a welcome party eager to rejoice with us. But if I dig a little deeper and think about what the sheperd might have had to endure in the rescue journey and what he was sacrificing by all he had left behind, I begin to understand that it isn't "simple" at all.

Today I was reading a blog post written by my friend Cindy Foote whose family is adopting a little girl from the same orphanage in Haiti as us. She writes (more eloquently than I) about another parable from this same passage in Luke 15 about "the lost coin" and how this is related to our adoptions. She writes, "I think adoption mirrors so much of God’s love for us. Often, during our journey to Josie (who is Keemberlie on our list of "Found" kids), I think about what we’re doing to love her, visit her and make her ours and then I realize – that’s how God feels about me! And I’m overwhelmed.

The parable of the lost coin is one of three consecutive parables we see in Luke where Jesus describes the Kingdom of Heaven by depicting how much He loves the lost. He’s not indifferent to the lost. He’s welcoming. And more, He seeks them out! Willing to leave the 99 for the 1. Willing to diligently search. Willing to open arms and accept the repentant sinner. Oh for the church to be more like Jesus, both in their pursuit of the lost and the orphan." This is just an excerpt from Cindy's beautiful post that I encourage you to read. Many of the specifics she mentions are all things we have been going through in our adoption journey as well (since we are adopting from the same place). We are still waiting to receive our "confirmation number" from IBESR, so we would appreciate your prayers that it will come soon...and for patience until it does. Click the link below to go to Cindy's blog post.

http://thispoeticpresent.blogspot.com/2011/02/journey-to-lost-coin.html

I am writing all this with a mixture of emotions knowing that God really did call us to pursue the adoptions of Marguerite and Delenda (Esmee), and witnessing His provision beyond our wildest dreams every step of the way. Yet deeply feeling the longing that often seems too hard to bear, being frustrated when our family has decisions to make about the future (that are next to impossible to make not knowing when the girls are coming home), when finances are tight, and when people ask questions we can't answer. When yesterday we received yet another $1,000 adoption gift from someone that doesn't even know us. When I told Eric that this was the EXACT amount we needed for ALL the rest of our adoption fees (which had been our biggest roadblock to pursuing international adoption in the past). When we were asked to be part of a video shoot this morning telling about all God had done through the Chosen Marathon. When I couldn't tell them if our girls would be among the newly adopted kids handing out medals to the runners in the 2011 Chosen Marathon for Adoption. When I read Cindy's blog this afternoon and resonated with all she openly shared. When I received an e-mail from my missionary friends in Haiti this evening and secretly wished that I was there serving with them. When I know that Family Link is coming to do a presentation at our church tomorrow and how tempted I have been in the past to sign up for foster to adopt classes. When I think that this could be good (selfishly/falsely that it could be easier), and could open doors for another child that we might not have considered, but then realize that this would mess up our home study for the girls we are already trying to adopt. When the weight of the wait overwhelms me again and again. ALL of this (between the ugly emotions and amazing God moments, and trying to wrap my tiny brain around it all) is when I remember where we were a year ago, and how much God has taught us since, and how very thankful I am that He chose to pursue me, and how very thankful I am that He called us to pursue our girls in Haiti. Even if our girls never come home this side of Heaven...I will be forever thankful. Yes, there are 147 million (or more) orphans in our world, and we are very passionate about defending their cause...but right now leaving the 147 million in the "open country" to go after our precious two in Haiti is a good thing (and we believe it is a God thing). We pray that their rescue will soon be accomplished, for the day we will carry them home on our shoulders and call all our family, friends, and neighbors to come rejoice with us because what was lost has now been found!